The Company I Still Keep

It’s the 8^th anniversary of my self-employment. It’s been a good, steady ride. Most importantly, it’s been a meritorious work experience––every time I work hard, I make lots of money. And I can’t even tell you the money I’ve saved and the hassle I’ve been spared by traveling “off peak”––that alone has been a major perk of self-employment.

Before I embarked on my “solopreneurship,” I worked at the marketing agency, Wechsler Ross & Partners. At that time, nearly all of us on the Creative Team were in our 20s and 30s. We were writers, designers, web programmers, etc. We bloomed with ideas, means of expression and a desire to make an impact.

If I had known then that my Wechsler colleagues would be the last group of friends I’d make en masse––I would’ve rethought leaving.

A major downside to self-employment is the isolation that comes from sitting alone day-in/day-out in my home office (and as a writer, alone in my head). Of course I try to combat my isolation by scheduling lunches with friends, attending professional events in the evening and going to a yoga class rather than just practicing at home with a DVD.

But it’s not the same. Which is why nearly a decade later, I’m still in touch with my Wechsler colleagues, even though none of us work for the company anymore. Whenever I’m back in New York, I pull together a “Wechsler Alum Reunion.” We gather over cocktails to listen to each other’s stories, discuss client projects and reconnect our career paths. To me, they are still the company I keep.

Frank Firing

The receptionist had a message for me: My boss, Frank, wanted to meet at the coffee shop downstairs. It was the year 2000 and I had only been working at his agency for a few months. He was in the process of renovating the studio, so for the present, there was no place to have a conversation without the entire staff overhearing.

Frank was sitting at a back table holding a coffee he had barely sipped. I could see by his clenched jaw and red, slightly bulging eyes that something was wrong. He asked me if I wanted a coffee––in hindsight, I suppose that gesture was more out of habit than courtesy––but I declined. I was so nervous that I had bungled a client account, so I got right to the point: What’s wrong?

It was then that he fired me, telling me I wasn’t a “fit” for the agency. I did something neither of us expected: I broke down crying. I had left a secure and comfortable position at a renowned organization to pursue higher commissions at his little rinky-dink agency. I had jumped from the frying pan into the fire and felt humiliated.

I remembered this frank firing today when I fired my mom’s home health aide.

Although the aide was professional in tending to my mother's healthcare needs, I heard my mother making small talk, but the aide said little in reply. Then the aide’s cell phone rang and I heard her carry on an animated conversation in front of my mother. When she hung up, the aide fell back into silence and sat watching the TV. My mother had just come home from a 2-month hospital stay. But the aide made no suggestions or offers: Is there some small household chore I can do for you? Would you like some lotion on your legs? Etc.

Now I know what Frank was talking about when he said I wasn’t a fit. Moreover, I understand why his eyes were red and his jaw was clenched that day. Frank was paying me to help him build his dream (that is, nurture the growth of his agency). I am paying this health aide to help me build my dream (that is, nurture the improvement my mother’s wellbeing). Although this is business, both are very personal pursuits complete with emotional investments and financial sacrifices.

In running a small business and a household––heart is needed. And that’s a fit no résumé details can capture.